I have always been rather independant. This has been mostly my choice. I even chose to study 1000 km from home so I can prove my independance, more to myself than anyone else. This has not always been easy, but necessary. Even after getting married my husband and I have been very independant from each other. We each had our own money, own friends, own interests - we split the expenses down the middle and never questioned what the other one did with their 'private' money. This was until we had the one thing that will make us dependant on each other for the rest of our lives - our little flower, the lady Lisa.
Never could I have imagined that such a tiny person whose vocabulary consists of the total of three words namely mama, dada and baba; could teach me so much about myself. I have found myself to be patient, loving, caring and soft. I have also become strong, much stronger than I thought I will ever be. I have realised how dependant I am of so many people - family, friends and my husband. As they say; it takes a village to raise a kid. I have always been very hard on myself; setting impossible goals and judging myself on incredibly high standards. When I look at myself as a mother, I feel I am finally passing the test. When Lisa looks at me with a smile in her big blue eyes, things fall into perspective and life somehow makes sense.
Being a mother is not only a gift, it is a privilige. I sometimes miss my independance. I long for the freedom that only having no responsibilities can provide. There is still something that sometimes pull me in that direction, but what keeps me grounded is so much bigger. There is a nomad inside me who will forever long to be running with the wind, but as the time passes her voice will become softer, until maybe only a whisper will remain.
No comments:
Post a Comment